On BET’s sitcom “The Game”, Tasha (single Black woman in her 40’s) explained what she called a “Black Woman Complex”. I’m not sure if she used complex/dilemma/phenomenon, I erased this episode from my DVR ((ugh!!!!)) but any way….
She believes Black women spends so much time looking for a “Good Black Man” that when she finally finds one she puts up with his crap just because he’s a “good man”.
As a black woman, I believe we are in a double bind (damned if we do, damned if we don’t). We can put up with his crap and be unhappy yet still have him or we can stand firm in our beliefs and put out foot down, risking loosing the man “we love”.
Side note: This actually reminds me of Whitney Houston’s “I’d rather be alone than unhappy”
In a sense, Tasha is correct. Previously, women were groomed to put up with a mans flaws (infidelity, alcoholism, domestic violence, etc). Women were more dependent on men, you know the breadwinner homemaker model (Men worked and women took care of the home). Now, however, more women are independent. Think about it, times have changed drastically. Women don’t even need a man to have a baby if they don’t want to.
Anyway, I’ve heard some women give the advice of “hold on, be patient he will come around” and others “it’s not worth it, do what’s going to make you happy”.
With that being said, I want to know your thoughts on this. Do you agree or disagree with Tasha’s statement? Do Black women have a complex? Why or why not?
I don’t think black women have a complex, I think all women have a complex. Sounds like a story of life to me.
I totally agree that black women have this complex. I myself have been a victim of it for years! Either we’re too dependent and feel like we have to put up with a man’s crap, or we’re too independent and feel like we dont have to put up with anymans crap (leaving us to be lonely). I feel like much of this has to do with the fact that we are grounded in dating only black men. We tend to limit ourselves to this category of men where few of them are doing what we would call “good things with there lives”, and the ones who are under that category, are typically involved with a woman already. Personally I feel like some of this complex could be eliminated if more of us were open to dating outside of our race. That would open up our choices and eliminate the idea that we have to put up with a man who makes us unhappy. There are truly lots of great men in the world today whether black, white, asian, or any other culture. But this has become a stigma amongst black women. Why is this such a stigma? After all, we are all God’s children right?
BTW> Great Job on the site!!! I love it Ash 🙂